I’m not pretending I’m “normal” anymore

Last week we got an invitation to a wedding.  I didn’t open it.  I left it on the hall table for a few days.  I finally opened it and started obsessing immediately.  The Joe-Man said he would try to get the day off, and I thought about what dress I would wear. I obsessed some more.  This couple is not family…just friends.  In fact we are friends of the parents…not the bride and groom. 

I continued to obsess.  No matter what I wear I will be hot.  No matter how many days I rest I will be too tired to enjoy myself.  I won’t be able to drink. I won’t be able to dance.  We will probably end up sitting with someone we don’t even know. 

I sent the RSVP back today.  I marked “Will not attend”. 

Over.  Done with.  I will no longer obsess.


20 responses

  1. Mo I get this. We “obsessed” over going to a wedding ourselves recently – again, similar to your situation, we know the parents of the bride the best. The wedding was in Mexico and a one week vacation at the luxurious resort the wedding was being held at would have cost us around $3,000.00 CAD. We hemmed and hawed. In the end, we decided this was a wedding for close friends of the family, and we’d be mostly on our own, not knowing anyone except the mom & dad of the bride, who’d be so swamped with wedding preparations and stuff, that we’d hardly see them. We were at peace about the decision. While my health didn’t totally factor into the decision making ( fibromyalgia), I’m certain I’d not be able to keep up with everyone, the flight would be tiring, the sun too hot, etc.

    • Kathy, You get invited to a wedding and it’s gonna cost you $3000.00 to get there…I would have said NO to that one too! This really seems to be a common problem for alot of us chronic babes, but it seems most of are getting smarter about our decisions. I don’t want to waste my energy on someone else….I’ll svae it for my own family! Thanks for the reply and for stopping by.

  2. Mo, I don’t even really know how to respond. Yes. Yes yes yes. I get this.

    I am spending today with my family instead of with my friends because, though I’d really like to be with friends, I know I’d never make it the whole day. And because there’s a parade involved, I wouldn’t be able to leave when I need to.

    I hope I can learn to stop obsessing too.

    • Katie, How do you learn to stop worrying about this things? I’ve been dealing with this for 9 years now, you think I would know better by now. When I need to cancel on family is when I really feel guilty.

      Irish Catholic Guilt….what a bummer.

      Hope you have a great day with your family. Don’t overdo it!

      Thanks for your reply.

  3. I’ve been saying “no” for about 6 years now. Sometimes it’s harder than others. I tend to “make hay while the sun shines” and overdo a bit when I feel good.

    We have to pick and choose what’s worth paying the price for a day or a few hours of fun. For me, a wedding is worth it for a family member or close friend, not for someone I don’t even know. What’s up with brides inviting people they don’t even know anyway? But that’s a pet peeve of mine!

    Good for you for making a difficult decision that’s best for you.

    • Sherlock, Don’t ya just hate these gigantic expensive weddings? Sometimes I wonder what these kids are thinking. What they spend on these parties could most likely be a down payment on a house! Did you ever get an invitation and wonder….who are these people???? We got one once from the son of a retired co-worker of my Husband. He had to think for a minute before we figured out who it was!


  4. Hey Mo. Well I’m back home from the party. I had such a good time. My soul and spirit so needed that. I had a headache the whole night that wouldn’t go away, but all in all, it was a good night. I even dance a couple of dances. Amazingly, my energy was really good tonight.

    Of course, tomorrow might be a different story! ha ha. But you. I’m still glad I went even if I have to pay. I haven’t had so much fun in a long while.

    Hi Patricia – Glad to see you found Mo’s blog!

    • Dominique, Happy to hear you had a good time at the party! When you are with people you love, and they understand your limitations, it can be wonderful. Hope you’re not “couched” because of all your dancing and carrying on!

  5. We do finally get to the place where we find
    more benefit from saying no and realizing
    it is the best decision. It is so easy to
    stay trapped in the wishing and obsessing and trying
    and actually having a terrible time and payback.
    It isn’t giving up but adapting to our situation
    in a healthy way. Good for you for RSVP-ing
    “I’m not attending.” I found your link on 4 Walls and
    a View. I don’t have a blog- it is beyond my
    computer skills. But I very much enjoy
    reading and replying.

    • Patricia, Thanks for your comment on my post, I am always so pleased when I know someone is reading. Isn’t it terrible that we are “afraid” to hurt other people’s feelings, but they have no idea what we go through to try to make them happy. They probably won’t even notice that I’m not there. !

      Keep visiting!

  6. Your post actually made me cry because my wedding invitation is from my daughter. I will be there but I realize I will be paying a huge price for doing so. And I won’t be able to dance.

    But this is my daughter. It is a day I have waited for all my life and this illness will not take it from me. I will pay the piper when it all over and done with.

    The crying came as a result of how I have to choose every time something great happens. More often than not, I don’t go. If I do go, I struggle with feeling bad.

    Today I am attending my close friend’s 60th birthday party and wouldn’t you know it, I have a horrible headache. Sigh. I am going though. I need to get out and be with real, living, breathing people. Then I will come home and rest.

    I thought I hated the word change. I think rest is ranking up there at the top too! ha ha

    Good for you! I’m glad you were able to make a decision that is good for you!

    I have subscribed to your blog and look forward to getting to know you a little better.

    • Dominique, Thanks for your comment. I worry about little everyday things that I can’t do, and here you are worried about your daughter’s wedding. It just isn’t fair.

      I hope your friend’s birthday party didn’t tire you out too much, and that you were able to enjoy yourself.


  7. I feel like I have this same dilemma every weekend I get a phone call from a friend inviting me to a party or a bar. I’ll be uncomfortable and tired, can’t drink, can’t dance.

    Good job in acknowledging your limits and being realistic with yourself!

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