It’s Got Me

You know that saying, “I might have_______ (fill the blank with your illness), but IT doesn’t have me!”???    I have to admit that Addison’s has got me…bad..it has held me captive the last week or so.  
While my Mom is in the hospital, and my family desperately needing me there, (Or is it that I desperately need to be there?) my lack of adrenal hormones has made me totally worthless.  I am down and out…I cannot do anything.  My fatigue is overwhelming, my body aches, and I am so foggy brained that I am afraid to drive.  The first few days I was able to handle it…but then my body gave up.  This Addison’s Disease is so fucking difficult to understand.  My brain is completely in sync with what is going on, but my body is on strike.  My stomach issues have roared back uninvited.  If I eat, I get nauseous.  If I don’t eat I get nauseous.  My face is breaking out like I am a teenager.  I can’t sleep…..I can’t wake up. 
Meanwhile everything is still going on without me there, and I can’t help.  Thank God for family is all I can say.  My Mom is still in horrific pain.  She is developing bed sores, even though the nurses and my sister turn her constantly.  She can’t eat.  She was cooperating with the physical therapists, and yesterday she told them “NO” when they came in. 
Last night the Joe-Man took me to see her and she called him to her bedside so she could talk to him.  She told him she didn’t know how long she could continue like this, and to not be surprised if she gives up.  He told her she couldn’t give up yet and then he left her bedside crying. 
She is getting so tired.  We all see it in her eyes.
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14 responses

  1. I’m not even sure what to say. I wish I could do something to help make things better. Even with how bad you’re feeling, you still manage to go see your mom. You’re amazing – even with that sucky disease. The thought of your mom in pain and so weak breaks my heart.

    I’m dropping off some cheesecake for Billy tonight for saving Diego from my locked car…now we know why God didn’t give me kids! Anyway, maybe, if you your stomach cooperates, a piece of cake might be nice. Let me know if you need anything.

    LOVE YOU!

  2. Hang in there, Maureen…I have been where you are and it is so hard. I feel for you so much. But just remember: you are no good to your mom sick. Sometimes our bodies just lay down in protest and say no more! Take care of yourself so you can be there for your mom.

    Love,
    Jo

  3. Looking for the (oh so small) positive…it’s nice that your brain is working. Now if the rest of you would just follow it along. But our bodies never seem to play by the rules, do they?

    Gentle hugs, positive thoughts to you and your mom. And the rest of your family. I’m so glad you have them.

  4. It’s so frightening to see a parent suffering- we’re so lost as to what to do. Is there any way the hospital could set up a cot next to your mother’s bed so the two of you could lie together and talk? *hugs*

  5. Courage does not always roar.

    Both mother and daughter have taken on the fight. The quiet of the hospital bed, the quiet of the bed in your room, Maureen.

    In God, we place our trust. In God, we seek the moments and the manner of our lives. Hold onto His Hand, Maureen,
    and know that all is possible through Him. Hour by hour is all we can bear sometimes.
    You have known love, and continue to know love for the rest of your life. It is the greatest of gifts. Allow Him to hold you and bear your frustrations. God can withstand any of our deep anguish, even when we cannot.
    I send prayers and wrap you in my arms and feel your pain beyond words. Moment by moment…

  6. Oh Mo! I’m so sorry! I don’t even know what to say. This is such a challenging situation. You need to rest and yet you need to be there with her! Wow!

    I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and your mom too. I really hope that the next few days bring a major turn around for her.

    • Thank you Dominique. With everything going on with you, I so appreciate the time you took to comfort me. This is very hard for me. Hopefully I can go tomorrow.
      lovexoxoxomo

  7. Oh, Mo, I’m soooooo sorry you’re having to deal with such a horrible situation. I understand how desperately you want to be at the hospital, and how frustrating it must be for you to be flaring now, of all possible times.

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