The other day I realized I hadn’t received any of my monthly magazines.  The Reader’s Digest, Family Circle and Women’s Day.  Every month those lady magazines have basically the same articles…how to organize your closets…how to cook a month’s worth of food for your family on twenty dollars…and always an article or two on exercising and diet.  Oh, and usually some decadent dessert recipes.  Readers Digest usually had one interesting thing to read, and those were kept in the bathroom.

I don’t cook, I don’t bake, I don’t organize (I just close doors and ignore the mess),  I don’t exercise and I don’t diet.  I am lazy, I am a sloth, I am a pathetic model of a Suzie Homemaker.

But, the absence of the magazines goes deeper than having nothing to read.  Every year my Mother would renew her subscriptions to several of her favorites, and always paid for the subscriptions for me and my sister.  Mom also got Redbook, Good Housekeeping and some religious rag for herself  When she was finished with those we had to take them home to “enjoy” them.The great magazine swap-o-rama.

Well, now she is gone.  Not finding those silly magazines in my mailbox just makes me sad. It’s the  little things that push you over the edge. (one of her favorite saying, by the way).

The other day I picked up the phone to call my sister, and I dialed my Mom’s old phone number.  Wierd.  Old habits die hard I guess.

I miss her today.


16 responses

    • Thanks for taking the time to read my post and for replying. As my Mom used to say…You can handle the big things, but it’s the little things that push you over the edge. I’ve learned that is the truth.

  1. It truly is the little things. The edges of your grief can smooth down with time; the sharp jagginess becomes more like the edges of seaglass. This was a very touching post!
    For some reason, a certain amount of time having past brought things back into that sharp, jagged focus like after the initial loss. 20 father’s days without my dad had me getting all teary-eyed and sentimental in ways I really didn’t expect.
    Because I’ve spent so much time, now, in mom’s house without mom here, I don’t find myself making those little slips as much as I might if I was somewhere else. She still makes her presence known (leaving doors open, instead of leaving turning lights off), and I go over regularly to chat with her and dad, it doesn’t feel at times that she is that far away. Given the stroke and deepening dementia, in a strange way, she was further from me then.

    Sending you (((((hugs))))).

    • Thank you Friend. Going through my Mom’s stuff was very hard and just as you say, memories can hit you in the face. We were lucky that my Mom was totally with it until she got on powerful pain meds. I have “felt” my Mom only once, but she leaves little hints all the time. I think it is wonderful that your parents “communicate” with you in their own way.

  2. Wonderful, heartfelt post.

    It really is the little things that trip us up in life. The big things we deal with because we have to. But, it’s always the small things that have the ability to be both happy and sad memories. They easily make us pause, think and remember.

    Warm thoughts and gentle hugs to you, Mo.


  3. Sweetest Mo,

    Awww honey….you hit the nail on the head!! OW! It certainly IS the little things that get us all when thinking of our dear departed parents. My mom was my best friend. I miss her tremendously and wonder how it could possibly be 21 years that she has not been here.

    My love and thoughts are with you Mo my dear friend…..

  4. 3 days ago was 18 years since my mother passes. Some days I still think, I should call mom and share this or that….
    I think of things and just can’t believe my mother wasn’t there when I experienced them.

    Like my wedding. How was my mother not there? I can almost remember her being there. Perhaps she was. in a way. We did honor both of our mother’s during the ceremony. My husband’s mother passed just 3 months before our wedding.

    The little things.
    I miss my mom.

    • I’m so sorry that your Mom wasn’t there for your wedding. That must have been very hard. I’m learning from all my friend’s that things never change, we will always miss them.

  5. I understand. It is the little things. It really is.
    This spring/summer every time I’ve walked around and photographed my Grandma’s rhododendron, her mimosa tree, and this week her hydrangea in bloom I almost cry every time. I think about how much I wish she & I were walking around the yard together, like old times. It’s not the big stuff, it’s the little stuff.
    I think that’s part of the reason that I’ve tried to do different little things and little “projects” with my kids this spring. I want them to have memories of little things we did together, in case I’m not here with them as long as I want to be.
    That was a wonderful and touching post, Mo.

  6. This made me cry, it’s so touching and yet in an understated way. It IS the little things that affect us the most. Dialing your mom’s phone number, the magazines….I went through the same thing when my dad passed away. I wish I could tell you it gets much easier and it does get easier but there will always be those times, when you forget and your heart remembers. hugs to you twin. Beautifully written!!!!!!!!

    • I’m findng that the posts I write spur of the moment, are the posts I get the emotional heart felt comments on. Just letting my heart talk that night is what I did, and I found out I am not the only peron with these same feelings. Thanks Twin!

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